Letter to the One Who Got Away

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Progonal Photo by: pippalou

Original Photo by: pippalou

 

Letter to the One Who Got Away is our guest letter writer’s way of sharing the complicated emotions involved in having experienced love and losing it.

To the one who got away,

If there was one that got away and one that could have been (but the timing was always off), I’d say you’re a combination of both. Our story was not the typical boy meets girl, or love at first sight and everything blurry. It wasn’t even a love story to begin with. I met you during a period in my life where I basically don’t know what I really want in a relationship or if I want it at all. My basis of a future boyfriend was founded in a list or more of a guide I came up with to describe my ideal man – which my friends claim to be too idealistic to be true.

I was in this notion of just “hanging out” until I meet the right man. You see, I came from a long relationship that boiled down into the dreaded “I need space” syndrome. From there, I instinctively built walls around my heart to armor me from any pain or defeat. I got so scared that I’d always choose the safe side of things. My defenses were high enough and I became the master of pushing away.

I wasn’t attracted to you at first nor did I see you as potential lover material. From the very first time we met, what sparked our connection was friendship. We knew from the start that we had things in common – which was one big reason why the first conversation we had went on for hours. We never ran out of things to talk about that even silence made lot of sense. Yes, it wasn’t love at first sight. It was just an unhurried development of getting used to each other.

We became friends and communication slowly became part of the week. The next thing I knew, days started to be incomplete without the good mornings and good nights. There was something about you that made things different. Apart from our spontaneous conversations, you had this way of digging up reasons behind the why’s. I’ve never known any man who believed in signs, faith and answered prayers the way I do. You can be weird but weird enough to keep you interesting. You treasured little things and made them moments. It seemed that for you being with each other was already an adventure. You can be elsewhere and yet still be with me.

You became the reason for my random smiles, someone I looked forward to seeing and hearing after a long day. Being with you gave me such a sense of thrill. You showed how brighter things can be. And from that moment on, I found myself slowly removing bricks from that wall I once built. I started not to be scared anymore because you gave me reasons to be brave. And for the first time in the longest time, I was happy again. The sure kind of happiness that leaves no trail for uncertainty.

You became a part of my every day, my every week, my schedules and even my plans. After years of being alone, I finally knew what I want. I was already this close to giving myself another chance at love when suddenly, with just one unseen single blow, everything slipped away. Things happened so fast. It was only yesterday that I was floating in cloud nine and now I am swamped with why’s.

It’s been months that I haven’t heard a word from you. The last time we spoke, you told me to trust you as you needed to fix things. And the hardest part is to be steadfast in that “trust” in the midst of this silence. I wonder if we’re playing a game.

Did I play it right? Did I do or didn’t do something to push you away? I actually entertained the thought that you are the one and now seemingly you slipped off my life just like that. Did I really let you get away granting that I could have done something to prevent it?

The one that got away – that would be you to me. You will be the one who will never completely leave my consciousness and existence even after you’re long gone. You will be the thought that will fleet in and out in the most unexpected moments. You will be a constant reminder of how good it feels to have someone. Even if I fight the urge to do so, I know I will be looking back at you for some standard of comparison.

This time however, I will not build walls around my heart. You made me realize I shouldn’t be doing that to myself. I may have loved and lost for now but I will leave  my heart open for the best that is yet to come.

Lady Owl

About the Guest Letter Writer

Our guest letter writer prefers to use the pen name Lady Owl and offers these words to sum her up for now: Patiently waiting for God’s best 🙂

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Teresa Martinez

A freelance researcher-writer who has continuously been in such field for more than 10 years. Previous to that, her work experiences are in the banking, advertising, and cooperative industries. More of her work in Google+

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