The Letter I Never Sent to My Dying Mother

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Original Photo by: hotblack

Original Photo by: hotblack

The Letter I Never Sent to My Dying Mother tells about the inner feelings of a daughter who had to see her mother go through the pains of sickness and how she dealt with it her way.

Dear Mom,

At the onset of your sickness, I was there with you as we sought the best cure we can possibly get our hands on. Our family was at it for several years and our emotions see-sawed from hope to despair and back, in a vicious cycle. I know it is physically and emotionally draining for all of us in the family but slowly, I felt myself drawing back, wishing to separate myself from this depressing scene of unspeakable pain and looming death.

I found myself staying away from our home and you, not being able to bear seeing you this way. Though I was technically still living with you and dad, my presence became scarce, choosing to spend more and more time with my friends and only going ┬áback home when I think both of you would be asleep so I can just look at you without my emotions being probed. I just didn’t want to talk or think about what could happen. I have decided I will deal with that when the time comes. Not yet, not now.

Being my mother, I know you understand my ways. Never the less, I know that you would feel hurt sometimes especially when it would seem that I didn’t care enough. Believe it or not, I do. I always did and always will. To lose someone we love is sad but to lose someone who loves us back is agonizingly painful.

It’s just that I don’t like to give in to tears anymore and by being close to you, those tears would come in torrents. I’m so scared that I actually feel I will never recover if I give in to those tears. And so I held them tightly, only to succeed in making me appear hard and heartless in the eyes of many. Many would say I will rue this decision. I know, I know…

So allow me to write this letter which I will never send, a letter of love to the one woman who truly loves me for who I am. I love you Mom. Please find it in your heart to forgive me for my shortcomings during your most trying times. I can only bear so much.

Your daughter,

Letter Writer

P.S.

You left us today and my tears just flowed and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I will see you, although I’m hoping not too soon. Rest now Mom, I love you so much.

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Teresa Martinez

A freelance researcher-writer who has continuously been in such field for more than 10 years. Previous to that, her work experiences are in the banking, advertising, and cooperative industries. More of her work in Google+

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